“That isn’t what I asked.”
She looked at me.
“He said he couldn’t keep up with the payments.”
I froze.
“What payments?”
“The debt.”
“So you knew he needed my paycheck.”
“Yes.”
“And instead of telling me, you tried to make me quit?”
“I thought if you stayed home, you would focus on your marriage.”
I stared at her.
“That makes no sense.”
“He said you were becoming distant.”
“I was working because I thought we needed the money.”
“He said you were putting your career before your family.”
I shook my head.
“Did he tell you he wasn’t working?”
She looked down.
“Yes.”
The room became silent.
“And you still blamed me?”
Margaret’s voice cracked.
“He said you wouldn’t understand.”
I laughed softly.
“Of course.”
I stood.
“He didn’t want me to understand.”
I walked toward the stairs.
Then stopped.
“One more question.”
Margaret looked up.
“Why did you shave my head?”
Her face changed.
“I was angry.”
“At me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because Nathan told me you were planning to leave.”
I turned around.
“What?”
“He said your promotion meant you were going to become more independent.”
I stared at her.
“And?”
“He said you were already talking about getting your own finances.”
I slowly understood.
Nathan had been afraid.
Not that I would leave him because I hated him.
He was afraid I would eventually discover the truth.
And the more successful I became…
the less control he had over me.
My promotion wasn’t the problem.
It was the fact that my promotion gave me more money.
More independence.
More confidence.
More questions.
I walked back into the kitchen.
“Nathan told you I was planning to leave?”
“Yes.”
“Did he show you proof?”
“No.”
“Did you ask me?”
“No.”
“You just believed him.”
Margaret began crying.
“I thought I was protecting my son.”
I looked at her.
“You humiliated me because he was afraid I might discover what he had done.”
She covered her face.
I didn’t feel victorious.
I felt tired.
So tired that even anger seemed like work.
I went upstairs.
Nathan was sitting on the edge of the bed.
He looked exhausted.
I stood in the doorway.
“Did you tell your mother I was planning to leave you?”
He looked up.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“That you would find out.”
I nodded.
“At least you’re finally telling the truth.”
He looked at me.
“I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did.”
“I thought I could fix everything.”
“You kept borrowing money.”
“Yes.”
“You kept lying.”
“Yes.”
“You rented an apartment.”
“Yes.”
“You told Rachel our marriage was over.”
He looked down.
“Yes.”
“You let your mother believe I was the problem.”
Silence.
“Yes.”
I felt tears running down my face.
“You made me feel guilty for working.”
“I know.”
“You made me feel selfish for wanting a promotion.”
“I know.”
“You made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough.”
“I know.”
“And all this time…”
I wiped my face.
“You were the one who wasn’t doing anything.”
Nathan started crying.
“I was ashamed.”
I looked at him.
“You should have been honest.”
“I was afraid you’d leave.”
“You were more afraid of losing me than you were willing to be honest with me.”
He nodded.
That sentence seemed to destroy whatever was left of his confidence.
Then he reached into his pocket.
“I have something.”
He handed me a folded piece of paper.
I opened it.
It was a debt statement.
I read the balance.
Then read it again.
The number was higher than the amount he’d admitted downstairs.
Much higher.
I looked at him.
“This isn’t eighty thousand.”
“No.”
“How much?”
He swallowed.
“About one hundred and seventeen.”
My heart sank.
“One hundred and seventeen thousand dollars?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s everything?”
He hesitated.
“No.”
I stared at him.
“What else?”
He whispered:
“There are two accounts I haven’t shown you.”
I felt cold.
“What accounts?”
“One is an old credit card.”
“And the other?”
He looked away.
“An account I opened after we got married.”
My voice became quiet.
“What was it for?”
Nathan didn’t answer.
I stepped closer.
“What was it for?”
Finally he looked at me.
“That was where I moved the money before I spent it.”
I froze.
“So you had a separate account just to hide money from me.”
“Yes.”
“How much went through it?”
He closed his eyes.
“I don’t know.”
“Guess.”
“Maybe forty thousand.”
I sat down on the edge of the bed.
For a few seconds, I couldn’t speak.
Then I remembered something.
The promotion.
The new salary.
The raise I had just received.
Nathan had been desperate for me to quit at exactly the moment my income was about to increase.
