One evening, I received a letter from Darren.
It came through his attorney.
Laura called first to ask whether I wanted it.
I almost said no.
Then curiosity won.
The letter was handwritten.
Mr. Vance,
I do not expect you to forgive me.
I thought about that day every night for a long time.
At first I blamed you.
Then Brenda.
Then the company.
Eventually I had to blame myself.
I knew I did not have police authority.
I knew you had refused.
I knew the key rule was disputed.
I still went to your house armed because I wanted to prove I could make you comply.
When you opened the door I felt embarrassed that you were not afraid of me.
That is why I drew the gun.
Not because you attacked me.
Not because I was protecting myself.
Because I wanted control back.
I am living with the consequences now.
