The same nurse walked us to the door.
Before I left, she squeezed my shoulder and said:
“You don’t have to be fearless. You just have to love him.”
I cried all the way home.
Not because I regretted taking him.
Because I couldn’t stop thinking about how close I came to leaving him behind.
Sometimes, even now, I remember that parking lot.
The rain.
The empty car seat.
Brian’s voice.
The nurse running after me.
And I wonder what my life would have become if I had taken three more steps.
Just three.
But I didn’t.
I turned around.
Life was not easy after that.
There were hard nights.
There were doctors.
There were bills.
There were moments when I sat on the bathroom floor and cried because I was tired and scared.
But there was also Matthew’s first smile.
His warm hand on my cheek.
